A New Year

I know it has been a couple months since I have written on my blog. I have thought about it several times, I just haven't done it. I guess I should make it one of my New Years Resolutions. The problem is I have too many things I need to work on and not enough time to do it.

Things have been a little stressful since I last wrote. I often wonder why life has to be so hard. I believe that God knows what we need and he doesn't test us more than we can bare. With that said, what God thinks I can handle and what I think I can handle are two totally different things.

I have been having some fainting episodes. Sam's Club, at work and at home. The Sam's Club episode was the worst. Here is what happened.

I had been battling a bladder infection for the last week and a half. I just couldn't seem to get rid of it. I had been on two different antibiotics but it wouldn't go away. I had been feeling really run down. Friday afternoon, I wasn't feeling well but I thought I would just pick up a couple things from Sam's Club. The store was mobbed. As I was waiting in line, my ears started ringing and everything was muffled. Then I became dizzy. I didn't want to leave without my groceries, so I remained in line. As I was about to pay, I told the cashier that I felt like I was going to faint. Apparently, I fainted and he caught me. Thank goodness I didn't hit my head on the cement floor. I woke up to a bunch of strangers starring down at me. Each leg was elevated with a gallon of milk (that was leaking) and my head laid on top of a roll of garbage bags. It was quite surreal and extremely embarrassing! The paramedics wouldn't let me drive home, so I had to wait for my mom. (My mom was the closest to Sam's at the time. I didn't want to wait until Anthony's got there - his job is too far away.) I felt like fainting for a second time when I heard the Sam's manager tell 911 that I was in my late 40's. (Thanks a lot!) The paramedic joked that I must have passed out because I only spent $18 instead of the normal $100 at Sam's.) The paramedics insisted that I go to the hospital. I went to the Insta Care because my mother forced me to go somewhere and because I am cheap. That was my first mistake. They did all kinds of tests and then even sent me to Riverton Hopsital for more tests. The doctor called me at home a couple times. (Usually the nurse calls unless the doctor is very concerned. That is what they told me.) After all that, I receive a letter in the mail stating my fainting was due to a virus. I thought it sounded stupid and I was annoyed I had to pay 20% copay for hospital tests for a virus. I figured fainting was a one time thing and although very inconvenient and embarrassing, my fainting days were over. How I wish that was true.

I scared Anthony by fainting in the Computer Room. I thought I was just overdoing getting things ready for Christmas. I have a tendency to push myself, so I thought that was all it was.

The Sunday before Christmas, Anthony had an opportunity to go to Colorado to see his 99 year old Grandma Bruton who he hasn't seen in over 12 years. We decided he would take the older 3 kids and I would stay behind with Blake. It was one day trip and with over 9 hours driving time and then a new environment with a lot of people, we knew Blake wouldn't do well. I didn't want to do all the driving and then sit with Blake in the van because he wasn't behaving well. Long story short, Anthony had a great trip. e met up with his brother Lowell and his family and had a great visit. The kids met their great grandma and Anthony's biological dad, (Who was on very good behavior) a great aunt and a second cousin. They were also able to see Anthony's niece Ashley and her family in Grand Junction on the way home.

Blake did great for me. We went to Church, had Shellie's kids over for lunch and made gingerbread cookies. I took Shellie's kids home and decided to make bread sticks for Blake. I turned off the Bosch mixer and put my right hand in the bowl to push down the dough and pull out the metal dough hook. At that precise moment, Blake decided to turn the mixer on. I can't describe the pain, it was so horrible. I ended up with a sprained wrist, sprained hand and fingers, torn ligament, a cut and a bruised hand. Blake picked a bad time to imitate. I know he didn't do it on purpose. When it happened, I yelled his name. He ran to his bedroom crying. I felt bad about that. Thank goodness my sister Traci lives close by. She came right over. By that time my body was shaking all over - the Dr. said I was in shock. My mom watched Blake while Traci took me to the Insta Care.

On the bright side, I got out of wrapping all the Christmas presents this year. Traci and Anthony took care of it. (That is not one of my favorite things to do.) I missed work for almost two weeks because I couldn't type. I am right handed, so it was real drag. You don't realize how much you use your hand until you can't use it.

My first day back to work, I was still in pain but I was working through it. I was at my desk typing when out of now where, I started a cold sweat. Everything starts spinning around me and my ears get muffled. I tried to put my head down to stop the spinning - it didn't work.

Wouldn't you know I would have a dang fainting episode at my desk, face down on the floor. They sent dumb and dumber to help me. The guy that sits next to me said that it was a good thing I didn't have anything life threatening because I probably wouldn't have made it. It took six times for them to try to take my blood pressure because they couldn't find my pulse. My pulse sitting up was lower than my pulse laying down, so they were concerned. I was thinking, I don't think any of your numbers are accurate, so I'm not too worried. It took three times to test my blood sugar. The batteries were dead in the first machine, the 2nd machine wouldn't work. Finally, someone ran to find batteries for the first machine. The EMT poke my finger so hard, my blood went squirting a long ways. I have a knack for having bad experiences. The poor guy at work that sits next to me has been traumatized. All I did was sigh the other day and he turns around and asked me if I was going to faint again. He wanted to be prepared this time.

I heard about a Faint Clinic in Salt Lake. They didn't take my insurance but I found out their doctors are heart doctors. I went to a heart doctor last Thursday. He said there are 4 reasons related to the heart that a person faints. He did some tests. (The stress test about killed me, it didn't help that the Dr., his graduate student, the nurse and Anthony watched as I about killed myself on the treadmill.) Talk about embarrassing! The Dr. ruled out a blockage. He thinks it may be arythmia. (This is where the heart skips a beat.) He banned me from driving for the next 2 weeks until he figures out what is wrong. (This is literally killing me. I am very independent. I have to be driven to work and be picked up, I have 3 carpools I had to ask people to help me out. It's been a nightmare!!!!) I am hooked up to a heart monitor for 24/7 until I go back to the doctor. I ended up having an allergic reaction to the adhesive on the heart monitor (It has 5 lines you have to stick to your body.) The adhesive left welts that have now popped are are oozing with yellow junk. It looks like someone bit me all over my torso area. They are sending me some hyper-allergenic adhesives I should be getting them tomorrow. I hope this works. The dumb monitor goes off constantly, I have to be plugged into the wall by the monitor all night and 2-3 hours a day. It has really hampered my life style. Anthony said we should pray that I faint so I don't have to go the full two weeks with the heart monitor. I told him he could pray but he had to pray that I would faint at home and not in public. The public fainting is really getting old.

I just hope the doctor finds something, we can fix it and be done. I will scream if I get a letter in the mail for a second time telling me that my fainting is due to a virus. The heart test is also stressful because my insurance will only pay for the test for the first 24 hours. Anything after that is not paid for. Now I am doing an appeal with the insurance company because the Dr. said I need it for the whole two weeks and Anthony said we were doing it whether the insurance pays or not. I am just praying I don't get some huge atrocious bill. The dumb heart monitor has 5 lines, a cell phone and a pager like device already cost $1300. They sure think a lot of their annoying device that constantly beeps. We finally called the company to find out how to lower the volume because it is embarrassing to go somewhere beeping every minute or two. Everyone is looking around to see where the beeping noise is coming from.

I know this too will pass, I just hope it passes sooner rather than later. I feel like we have enough on our plate with two disabled children and then with Kassi's medical issues. Apparently, the Lord thinks we can handle more. I pray for strength to endure and to keep my sanity through it all.